Pastors and other Christians face many challenges in ministry, not the least of which is providing comfort when the tragedy of a miscarriage strikes families. The loss of a child presents parents with a heartache which seems insurmountable. But the loss of a baby even before they are born is grievous almost to the point of being unassuageable.
What does a pastor, a family member, or a friend say and/or do to help ease the bereaved ones’ burden? The best place to start is on our knees in prayer, and in God’s Word. Only God’s Word will bring healing to one’s spirit and soul. It’s our responsibility as His ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:20) to speak God’s loving truth to the bereaved, as led by His Spirit.
The Bible directly mentions miscarriage in 2 Kings 2:21 when the Lord God addresses His peoples’ need to rely on Him as opposed to the false god, Baal, to heal them from such things as miscarriage.
The word miscarry is used in Exodus 23:26 as the Lord’s promise to the Hebrews of no miscarriages, and also to make them fruitful in the Promised Land. “Miscarry” is also used in Job 21:10 as Job rails against the wicked, whose cows do not miscarry.
In 2 Samuel 12, we read about David’s sin against the Lord, and against Bathsheba and her husband, Uriah. David and Bathsheba’s adultery led to the conception of a child. In verse 14, Nathan the prophet tells King David his child with Bathsheba will die. The child was born and the Lord afflicted the child as He said He would.
reunion
Christians, share these comforting and strengthening passages with families suffering through miscarriage. We can also comfort unbelievers with the same passages, assuring our beloved ones of the hope we have in Christ. Immerse yourself in God’s Word and rely on the Holy Spirit’s prompting for the right timing for all encouragement to the bereaved. There are times for hugs and silence and times for greeting cards with verses. Prayer ahead of time is critical.
Psalm 30:5
2. Deuteronomy 31:8-9: The Lord God will never leave us or forsake us.
3. Psalm 23:4: We may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, but it’s just a shadow.
4. Psalm 27:1: The Lord is our light and our salvation. We have no need to fear anyone or anything.
5. Psalm 145:18-19: God is ever near. He hears our cries.
6. Isaiah 41:10: Don’t fear. God will strengthen and help us.
7. Isaiah 43:1-2: We are God’s and He protects us.
8. Matthew 10:29-31: The Lord values us. We are worth so much to Him.
9. John 16:22: Jesus promises secure joy will come out of sorrow.
10. Colossians 1:11: We gain strength from His glorious might.
11. James 1:2-3: These trails of life bring great faith through perseverance.
12. Psalm 119:76: God’s unfailing love brings comfort.
13. John 14:27: We have Christ’s peace.
14. John 16:33: Jesus has overcome the world. One day He will set things right.
15: Philippians 4:6-7: Go to God with all our petitions with thankfulness, knowing He will give us peace.
16. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: God’s will is perfect. It will be difficult at first to rejoice in it, but His perfect peace will instill our joy in Him.
17. Romans 8:28: Loving God means everything we go through will turn out for our good and for God’s glory.
18. 1 Peter 5:7: God cares for us, therefore we cast all our anxieties on Him.
19. 1 John 4:4: Many doubts indeed arise, but greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. Rest in that.
20. James 4:8a: God is waiting for you to draw near to Him, for He will then draw near to us.
21. Revelation 21:4: “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
Our four directive actions should include:
1. Prayer
Privately
God can and does use any circumstances He wills to call people to Him. We, as believers in the Lord Jesus, know this and we can direct our private prayers accordingly, for the Lord may use a miscarriage to:
Draw the grieving unbelievers to Himself.
Grow the faith of the suffering believers.
Show His glory and providence in all situations.
Magnify His name.
As we pray for believing families who undergo such a loss, we trust our God of all comfort to bring many passages to mind for those who are grieving.
Corporately
The life of a believing parent often includes small groups (Sunday school, Bible study, fellowship group). The members of each group are intimately connected, as prescribed in the Bible. We are to hold fast to our confession of hope in our faithful Lord Christ, stir each other up to love and good works, and regularly meet and encourage one another (Hebrews 10:23-25).
A unified church stands as one body and trusts one another with life’s details, sharing the joys and heartaches. As such, prayers for parents subjected to miscarriage are powerful and effective (James 5:16). This is not gossip; this is righteous prayer for our brothers and sisters.
Family
Christians can come alongside entire families who are devastated by the loss of an unborn child. And family members will stand together with their relatives to comfort them with their presence and with day-to-day tasks to alleviate pressing needs. What a strong witness to unbelieving families when Christians take the time to be with them and to share the best news ever — Jesus Christ (John 6:44; Hebrews 7:25; Hebrews 11:6). Our hope is found in no one else (Acts 4:12).
Friends
Friends perhaps know the bereaved parents better than anyone else. Great friends love each other in ways others can’t. Friends, take time to just sit with your beloved ones. Listen. Hug. Visit as often as they say they want company.
Pain is pain — no matter the circumstance. Although God’s Word doesn’t mention specific parental miscarriage, what it does have is myriad passages which bring hope and healing. With this truth in view, the same practical ways to help parents grieving over a miscarriage can help anyone in a time of loss (except for specifics related to the baby).
Helpful Actions
A special playlist of hymns sent via email. Possible songs to include are In Christ Alone by Keith and Krystin Getty, Is He Worthy by Andrew Peterson, My Hope is Built on Nothing Less by Sovereign Grace Music.
God’s Providence
For an unbeliever who suffers a miscarriage, this moment might be the most important in her and her family’s life. Many Christians came or come to faith at our “lowest low” because we have lost faith in what we or the world can do. God may use suffering to draw us out of the miry pit (Psalm 40:2).
God wastes nothing, and He’s the only One who can completely soothe grief. Jesus invites the weary and burdened to come to Him (Matthew 11:28). If a person remains unsaved, how will they ever know the Lord is our God of tomorrow?
Dr. Sinclair Ferguson adds this note of assurance in God, “The first, of course, is that the Judge of all the earth will do right and that He is a God of tremendous grace, that He sent His Son to bring us to Himself. There is no dark side in God, and so we can rest in the fact that He is a God who everything He does is right and true and good.”
He is a cross pendant.
He is engraved with a unique Number.
He will mail it out from Jerusalem.
He will be sent to your Side.
Emmanuel
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