How Should We Respond When Other Christians Hurt Us?

One of the biggest misconceptions among believers and nonbelievers alike is that Christians are capable, on their own, of living up to a different moral standard than others. The reality is that believers fail every day to live up to the high standards for which we were created because of sin.

One of the most difficult moments in the life of a believer is when another Christian is responsible for causing harm. Whether it is another Christian who gossips or lies, a pastor who betrays his congregation, a friend who stops behaving like one, or a believer who caves to a grave sin, these moments bring shame to the community, cause division, and cause deep personal harm. Trying to navigate those waters in a way that is Christ-like, God-honoring, and personally healing can be difficult, but God has given believers the Holy Spirit, the Bible, and one another to find peace and healing when another Christian behaves in a way that is not God-honoring.

Why Do Christians Hurt Each Other?

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Unfortunately, sin is an inherent part of living in this world. While someone who is a Christian is forgiven for their sins, they are not immune from temptation, and every believer does commit sin after they’ve begun a relationship with Jesus Christ. God continues to work in them, but it is inevitable each one will stumble in their walk. Sometimes, that stumbling comes by accident, sometimes it is due to a deep underlying sin the Christian has resisted dealing with, but it often comes from pride. This sin is the root of many others, and usually comes from an overestimation in one’s own sanctification and standing before the Lord.

The Apostle Paul wrote, “For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself” (Galatians 6:3). Unless one believer hurt another by accident, pride often is the source of in-fighting or tensions between brothers and sisters in Christ.

Are There Examples in the New Testament of Believers Hurting One Another?

This man was in a sexual relationship with his father’s wife - it is believed his step-mother. There are some scholars who believe the relationship was more repugnant to the first century Christians than just the incest. By the time Paul wrote his second letter, however, he wrote, “For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow…Anyone whom you forgive” (2 Corinthians 2:6-10a). The person had been expelled from fellowship, repented, and Paul encouraged them to accept the sinner back into the fold as a brother.

The book of Philemon is also a type of reconciliation of injury between two believers. Philemon owned a slave named Onesimus, though both men had come to faith in Jesus Christ. Though it was legal in Philemon’s culture to have slaves, Paul and the growing church were coming to the consensus that believers should not own other believers. Paul was, in some ways, stepping in as a witness on behalf of Onesimus to pursue reconciliation through the freedom of the enslaved man.

What Does the Bible Actually Say about Reconciliation?

In the unfortunate event the church condemns the offending party, but that person refuses to make amends, the Bible says that person is to be removed from fellowship until they humble themselves and make it right. This procedure is how reconciliation is pursued corporately.

Jesus also said, “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). When someone, especially a believer, causes offense or harm, Christians should pray for that person, since they are probably not in right accord with God.