As much as we try to simplify the issue of abortion, it is a lot more complicated than it seems. From a political or even moral perspective, some see it as only a black-and-white issue. It is either the choice of a woman or the life of a child. Which side will you stand on?
However, as with many issues, I suspect the choices that would lead a woman to choose to have an abortion are rarely binary. I believe there is a lot more gray that needs to be brought into the discussion, and I wonder if we are talking about those issues enough.
To be clear, I am not advocating for abortion because I believe life begins at conception and we should do everything we can to protect the life in the womb. However, that is not the gray I am referring to. The gray I am examining is what would lead a woman to conclude that having an abortion is the best choice for her? As I consider this, I am not interested in passing judgment on any woman who may have had an abortion. I want to consider the reasons that may have led her to that decision.
While I recognize I am a man looking into this complex issue, there are two facts in my life I want to make you aware of. First, I don’t know many women who have had an abortion personally, but I know the story of one woman. Thinking of her story, coupled with some research I have found, I believe I can begin to shed light on this question of why.
Second, I have had to face the question of aborting a baby in the womb because my son has Down’s Syndrome, and it was diagnosed prior to his birth. His mother and I had to face this question, and we chose to give birth to our son. I am so glad we did. However, just having that as an additional consideration adds to the complexity of this question.
What I don’t want to do is only focus on political or media talking points because I think there are enough of those out there. I want to consider the women (and men) who are having to make this decision because, while I believe in the sanctity of life, I wonder if we are somehow missing the sanctity of humanity.
Jane, whose name I have changed to maintain her privacy, was a young college student pursuing her bachelor’s degree. She was also a close friend of mine, who I met after the events I am going to share with you.
In her early twenties, while still in college, Jane discovered that she was pregnant. When she found out, there were many emotions she experienced and unfortunately, joy was not one of them. In fact, instead of joy, there was fear, anxiety, shame, and worry. You see, Jane was a Christian, and she was involved in ministry at the church. Discovering she was pregnant caused her to worry about how people in the church would perceive her.
In some church traditions, and this goes back a few years, churches were not always kind when they found out a single woman was pregnant. That woman, or even young girl in some cases, got sat in the back of the church in shame. It’s as if she was branded with a scarlet letter. Sometimes, this same young woman would get sent down south to a relative’s house so nobody in the church would know that she was pregnant.
Aside from feeling the guilt of what had happened and being concerned about the reaction from the church, Jane was also worried about whether she would get support from her family. Add to that the very real financial considerations of raising a child when she was a college student and was only working part time. So, in this moment of finding out she was pregnant, she could not feel happy because she wondered how she could finish her education, support herself, and take care of a new child.
When she considered the various options before her, and what felt to her like the uncertainty of her life if she had this baby, she decided to terminate her pregnancy.
I came across a study that was done by Care Net, an organization that describes themselves as a “Pro Abundant Life ministry providing compassion, hope, and help to women and men at risk for abortion.” What was amazing about the research is, according to Care Net, 4 out of 10 women who had an abortion attended church at least once a month. This means that many of the women who are choosing this option may be sitting in the pews next to you on Sunday morning.
When you dig a little deeper into the study, some reasons why they had the abortion become clearer.
65 percent of respondents believe that single pregnant women are judged by church members.54 percent believe churches oversimplify decisions about pregnancy options.Only 41 percent of people believe that churches are equipped to provide guidance on decisions regarding unwanted pregnancies.Only 30 percent of individuals trust churches to provide reliable guidance on pregnancy options.When you look at these numbers, more people believe they are going to be judged by the church than helped by the church. This is exactly how Jane felt in her situation.
When my daughter was born, our friends and family came to the hospital to celebrate her birth. The room was filled with the excitement and joy of a newborn’s arrival. While her birth marked the end of the pregnancy, it was also the beginning of the more arduous work of raising her.
Studies show it takes almost $332,000 to raise a child from birth to age 18. That is over $18,000 per year. That is challenging enough if you are working, married, or prepared to have the child. But what if you are not? According to a Pew Research study, 87% of women who have abortions are unmarried women, and whether you are married or not, the cost to raise a child does not change.
We also know raising a child does not just require financial support. You also need emotional support. You may need seasons of respite. What do you do when the baby cries at 2 AM? Even more, what do you do if you are the only one there to tend to their needs? If you are single or unmarried then what do you do about childcare if you need to go back to work to support yourself and your child?
I believe for many women these are the issues that play out in their hearts and minds. This was true for Jane, and I suspect it’s true for others. If you are wrestling with these issues, where do you go to have these conversations or get the genuine support you need? Especially if you are scared to go to your church because of fear of judgment or to your family because you are worried about a lack of support. This can leave many feeling hopeless, and in this scenario, abortion feels like the only way out.
I guess my point is we must look beyond the celebration of the new arrival, and be willing to provide emotional, financial, and practical support beyond the birth. Which leads to my next question. If a woman feels she will be loved and supported throughout her pregnancy, regardless of the scenario that led to it, and knows she can get the help she needs in raising the child, would that lessen the possibility of her choosing abortion as an option? I don’t know the answer, but I am asking the question.
Adoption is sometimes considered as an alternative to abortion. While giving the baby up for adoption can be a viable alternative, I think we must also be careful not to make it seem like this is such a simple decision either. I read a quote from Angel Adoption that said this.
“The adoption process can be very emotional for birthmothers. Even if they’re sure their decision to give their baby up for adoption was the right choice, they’re still likely to experience intense feelings of grief, doubt, denial, or guilt.”
Again, this is just another case where we need to walk with parents through the process. Before, during, and after, even if after takes a long time.
I didn’t write this to have all the answers, because I don’t. I wrote it more so we can hopefully begin asking better questions. If we are going to encourage women to have their babies or give them up for adoption, then we need to make sure we are more than just cheerleaders. While we may celebrate the new life that is coming into the world, we must give more than just a pat on the back and a God bless you. We need to support these women (and men) to make sure they are finding the help they need for as long as they need it. This help is not just for the baby but also for the parents who are choosing to raise their child.
As you can see, this goes beyond campaign slogans and ballot box issues. This forces us to consider the actual heart and humanity of the issue. My fear is if we don’t do this, then we may push pro-life on one end and push women to the abortion clinic on the other.
Clarence L. Haynes Jr. is a speaker, Bible teacher, and co-founder of The Bible Study Club. He is the author of The Pursuit of Purpose which will help you understand how God leads you into his will. His most recent book is The Pursuit of Victory: How To Conquer Your Greatest Challenges and Win In Your Christian Life. This book will teach you how to put the pieces together so you can live a victorious Christian life and finally become the man or woman of God that you truly desire to be. Clarence is also committed to helping 10,000 people learn how to study the Bible and has just released his first Bible study course called Bible Study Basics. To learn more about his ministry please visit clarencehaynes.com.
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