Just the other day, I was having a conversation with my therapist when she said something that truly stopped me in my tracks. I have been thinking of her words ever since we spoke. She explained that as a believer, love is more than just a choice – it is something we are commanded to do.
There is something authoritative about the word “command.” It feels less like a suggestion and more like an imperative. Those of us who are parents know what this sounds like. It's the tone we use after giving a direction a few times with a lighthearted tone, only to find that no one has taken you seriously. Soon follows a command that comes in a more direct and assertive voice; this gets the attention of the kids who earlier dismissed your directions.
In John 13:34-35 we read, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Jesus was talking about lots of things, and then He got to love. His tone changed as He gave a command to His followers, not just a teaching. There was more urgency in His voice. He wanted His disciples to know that love in God’s kingdom is not optional.
We know from the Bible that love matters to God, and is in fact one of the most defining qualities of His character. 1 John 4:16 explains that God is love. In 1 Corinthians 13 we see what God’s love should look like. God’s love is selfless, humble, and kind. This love forgives and perseveres when other emotions fade. It rejoices in truth and hates evil. Anger is its last resort. This love is a world-changing, supernatural kind of love.
I think this idea, this truth that we are commanded to love, struck me because it flies in the face of most of what our culture teaches. Our culture says love is a commodity that is supposed to first and foremost serve you. Love is primarily about your happiness, meeting your needs, and when it stops working for you it’s okay to let that “love” go. Notice God’s depiction of love is actually about how you are called to treat others, not about what you are to receive from this love-filled life. This is in contrast to a worldly love that is entirely self-centered and sadly always leads to disappointment.
Jesus' command to love ties us to others’ past circumstances; it’s less about a particular feeling and more about obedience. Even in situations where we have experienced difficulties in our relationships, we can place loving boundaries and offer forgiveness because the love that God commands to give, He also provides for us. This love we are commanded to embody truly is a supernatural kind of love. It is nothing at all like the love our culture praises and preaches.
In my own life, being commanded to love helps me see beyond stressors, challenges, and struggles with the people that I am given the chance to love every day. My engagement, growth, and forgiveness in the relationships I’ve been given is less about what I stand to gain from them and more about my personal relationship with the Lord. My actions must be defined by love because I want to be obedient to my first love, Jesus.
This way of understanding love in its perfect form should transform how we engage the people around us. How we respond, the boundaries we place, and the way we serve stems from a heart that is seeking God first and asking Him to guide us. What we do is guided by the Holy Spirit and not our passions. God’s love is passionate, but it goes beyond passion and defines us. This love should transform how we see the world.
When we embrace a love-defined life, we can give grace and mercy because we see people as divine creations whom God loves, but to whom He also administers justice. We can let go of the need for revenge and can opt for healthy boundaries because we know that the one who made them also knows them and will set things right in His perfect time.
This should also empower us to remain faithful when our feelings are hurt. In marriage, parenting, even in friendships and family life we face seasons where being hurt leads us to want to give up on showing love. But with God we are empowered to remain faithful to these covenant relationships because we understand that first, we are all sinners, and second Jesus set an example of radical forgiveness and grace for us to follow after.
In a harder season in my marriage, I wondered to God if I was allowed to give up on my spouse because I did not like at all how he regularly made me feel. Interestingly, God reminded me of a verse that I really didn’t want to hear; it was the fact that while we were still sinners he still died for us (Romans 5:8).
Basically, he was giving my soul a pep talk reminding me that the love I have from Him is freely given to me even when I reject Him. God’s love is not on a contingency plan. In just the same way, my husband, who is not abusive but sometimes gets under my skin, is entitled to my love even when I feel he doesn’t deserve it. More than that, any marriage based on the idea that you will always make each other feel amazing is pretty much doomed. God told me I needed to stop counting my husband's perceived failures and start loving him, because that’s the kind of love God gave me to then graciously extend to my spouse.
What relationships do we need to re-examine under the lens of a supernatural, God-inspired love? I feel like my soul needs a constant reminder that my feelings matter, but do not define how I love others. I feel tired, but I show kindness to my children because they are God’s gift to me. I feel hurt, but I choose to forgive my spouse because God gave me this man to love for life. I am frustrated, but I choose to show mercy to my friend because I know they are made in the image of God.
We respond and are defined in a way that flies against almost everything our culture teaches because as Christ followers we are commanded to love.
Amanda Idleman is a writer whose passion is to encourage others to live joyfully. She writes devotions for My Daily Bible Verse Devotional and Podcast, Crosswalk Couples Devotional, the Daily Devotional App, she has work published with Her View from Home, on the MOPS Blog, and is a regular contributor for Crosswalk.com. She has most recently published a devotional, Comfort: A 30 Day Devotional Exploring God's Heart of Love for Mommas. You can find out more about Amanda on her Facebook Page or follow her on Instagram.
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He will mail it out from Jerusalem.
He will be sent to your Side.
Emmanuel
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